Wednesday, August 8, 2018

Proverbial Positivity

"Positivity is key.
Think good thoughts.
Stay positive.
Positive vibes only."

We hear these phrases often. They are good. Positivity is always good.
It's never "good" to be constantly negative. Right?

But what if you can't help it?

This was a situation that I found myself in when my dad passed away.
It doesn't always take a major life event for this to happen.
It's common for it to be a trigger though.

What frustrates me more than anything is when people start talking to me about their visit to the therapist in a hushed tone, asking me to please not tell anyone.
Not tell anyone what? That you saw a therapist? 
I'm frustrated because we SHOULDN'T have to feel this way.

 There is such a stigma
And for what? 
Because we want to feel better?
Because we want to fix relationships or stop having panic attacks?
Because we (God FORBID) have feelings?
We aren't "normal" if we need a therapist?
What? 

I started seeing my therapist at Terra Baltimore (she was at a different location at the time) shortly after my dad died because I realized that crying every day all day, may not be normal part of the grieving process. 
I liked it so much that I stayed there, and I have been still going just not as regularly.
Bonus- she also does business counseling. 

Everything that I envisioned of what therapy was like, was wrong.
I didn't lay on a couch and stare at the ceiling while regaling my woes of the other real housewives of Baltimore.
Yes, this is what I had imagined.
Also, I'm not a housewife.
This is what they make it look like on tv though, amiright?

No, instead, I went in and I said "this is how I feel, and I don't think it's how I should feel".
We discussed everything about me, of course not in one session. 
It made so many things make so much more sense. 
I tried meds, I didn't do well with them. I think everyone is different so I won't share that part of my story. And if they help you, DO IT. There is nothing wrong with meds.
I went the holistic way (as stated in the last post) and I do take some holistic boosters for my mood.
I also just applied for my medical marijuana card.
Oh lord, that's a whole new judgement piece to write about right there.

When you can finally piece together why you are the way you are, and how to change it for the better, it's absolutely life changing. 

Do I try to stay positive? 
Absolutely.
But not because I think I need to shove constant positivity down your throat at all times.
Rather, because positivity brings ME up. 
Negativity brings ME down.

I'd love to tell you- I'm all better now! Things are roses! My instagram completely matches my personality at all times.
But, it doesn't.

There are things I try not to do like:
-Watch the news 24/7
-Watch horror movies on a constant basis
-Drink consistently 
-Most recently, be around people who are judgmental or otherwise not supportive
-Engage in any kind of political discussions
-Watch sad movies
-Watch sad videos online

There are things that I try to incorporate now like:
-Happy journaling (good things that happen)
-Talking to positive friends
-Getting advice on my thoughts via friends or therapist
-Taking holistic meds geared towards mental health
-Listening to helpful podcasts (Jen Gotch is OK SOMETIMES is excellent)
-Walking my dog every day
-Meditation
-Making myself get into a routine
-Getting more sleep consistently 

Now, almost five years later, I'm a different person.
I am aware of my feelings and mood, and work actively to make them better. 
I look at things from a different lens. 
I identify people who once brought me down or made me sad, and I move on (even when it's hard).
I share how I feel.
My friends care, and support me. My mom does too, although sometimes it's a struggle.
It's hard on us both to lose that important of a person. That's not anyone's fault, it is just the situation that we are in. My dad was our life for a very long time.

And for those who feel some way about this or about me because I go to therapy, or because I sought help or took/take meds or whatever the judgement may be...
To them I say-
Perhaps you should get some therapy, because judgement can also be fixed.

Have a great Wednesday.
-SBR








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