Wednesday, September 12, 2018

The 5 Different Types of Guys (That I've Dated)

Baltimore, MD, USA

The 5 Different Types of Guys (That I’ve Dated)

My Disclaimer Intro
I want to start this series by implicitly stating that I will never call out any person that I’ve dated by name, nor attack them as a person. Nor, would I call out anyone that I may currently date in the future. That’s just not cool. So yeah, don't be afraid to date me, k? (This was a concern of mine when writing this as well- like, should I start collecting my cats now or...)

Now that it's out of the way...

What I want to do is share my experiences in the dating world, because to be honest, the number one question that I get in general or during the holidays is “so, are you dating anyone?”
This question, as my single friends can attest to, is equal parts frustrating, and sometimes downright depressing, as you start to doubt yourself.
But don’t ever doubt yourself.
Maybe you’ve made past mistakes in your relationships- well, did you learn something from it? Maybe it didn’t work out at no fault of yours, still, I’m sure that you have learned something.
Here’s what I’ve also learned: there have definitely been patterns that can be found in the types of guys that I tend to “go after”. Sometimes I don’t realize it right away. 
But as I sat and thought, after being questioned by numerous people on why I'm single, I started one day to look back at my past relationships. 
What I found was that, I’ve definitely dated the same characteristic on more than one occasion, which made me laugh, and then made me think.
MY GUYS: I'm adding a sentence for what would be helpful if you find that you may relate to one of these categories from a girls point of view. You're welcome, you can thank my ex who gave me this idea (he called yesterday to give me input and make sure he wasn't mentioned by name).

So without further ado, we have, the 5 Types of Guys that I have dated:
1. The Smooth Talker
2. First Date Ambitious
3. Average Joe
4. The Bachelor
5. Mr. Mansplain, himself

Let’s get more in detail- shall we?

The Smooth Talker 
Relationship Status: They want a relationship eventually- I think? At least that’s what they say...

Ahhh the smooth talker. This one still gets me sometimes. His charm, usually model good looks, and most importantly, his promises. “We will have to go xxx sometime”, “I can’t wait for you to meet my mother” (this is scary), “I need a date to a wedding coming up”, after ONE date. You seem shocked? Never experienced this before? Ok maybe not to this degree. But to some degree, right?
Smooth talkers are everywhere, and they want to make you happy and feel good around them. This isn’t ALL bad, except 9/10 times, there is no follow through. You usually figure this all out AFTER you aren’t with them anymore, which is good for them. They don’t want to be around you when you figure it out, then you don’t feel good anymore- ha. 
Ugh.
***From a lady's point of view: Be honest, and upfront in what you're looking for, if you are super into a girl, tell them that, but tell them the path you are hoping to take. Then follow through with it. Busy? Say that. Unsure? Say that too. Honesty goes a LONG way, but just watch out, you don't want to be Mr. Bachelor either (below).

First Date Ambitious
Relationship Status: Unclear if they want a relationship. 

First Date Ambitious is my own term, so you are probably wondering what they heck it means. First date ambitious means, they work their a$$ off for a first date with you, and then slowly start to back away after the date. Not back away as in not talk to you, because they still call/text every day. But back away as in “yeah I hope to see you soon” whenever another date is brought up. Soon when? Next week? Next Month? Next year? This isn’t a case of “he’s just not that into you” (which I’ve also had- trust), because he is having long phone convos and several texts a day and wants involvement in your daily activities (as far as “how is your bestie and her bf”, or “what did you have for lunch today”). 
But it’s almost as if the first date was so much work that they need WEEKS to recover- amiright? I see this most often these days. 
OR combine it with smooth talker and you get an AH-MAZING first date where there are many promises, then no talk of a date after.
Of course at this point you’ve told the girls how great the date was...so everyone wants to know when the second date is...and you have no answer…. and ….
I mean, you know, that’s how my friends say how it goes- ha. Kidding. This totally happens to me.
***From a lady's point of view: Just let your date know you had a great time and SET A DATE FOR NEXT TIME. It's super easy like this "hey I had a great time Friday night! Are you free next week? Let's set up another time". If the day/time ends up not working out, the key is to always set another time that will work. It's that easy.

Average Joe
Relationship Status: Not super motivated, but we’ll see how it goes eventually.

Average Joe is not ambitious, and isn’t super happy with his current situation, but doesn’t really feel like doing anything to change it. He’s very interested in binging tv, video games or drinking every night. He doesn’t have many goals, but he’s not doing bad either. He’s just hanging out. He wants to date, but doesn’t really want to put in the effort. His idea of an ideal date is Netflix and pizza on the couch, because getting dressed to go to dinner isn’t really his “vibe”, he’s more “casual” (for a second and third date if he went out for the first- depends on how long you’ve known “Joe”).
Average Joe is usually a decent guy, but doesn’t really motivate you to go after your dreams. If you are Average Jill you may be happy with Average Joe, but for me, it isn’t the best fit.
***From a lady's point of view: If you just started dating, make sure you wine and dine for a while first....there's plenty of time for casual later. 

The Bachelor
Relationship Status: Dating, forever. 

The Bachelor is an interesting person because they are a little bit of a mix between smooth talker, and first date ambitious. They basically live in the first date realm. They immediately tell you they are dating other people. Which is why I coined them the bachelor, dating them makes you feel like you are competing against other girls, because you are.
To be honest I didn’t get past a second date with the Bachelor, because of his honesty, I told him I’m not a competitive person. 
As a dating woman your response may be to this” well that’s how it should be, you should date multiple people”. 
To that I say, I’m way too busy to keep track of dating multiple people at once. It’s an art form that I’m not good at, ever. Next thing you know, I’m saying hows the coffee shop? And they are really a photographer. 
It’s just bad for everyone.
***From a lady's point of view: Date who you want in the beginning, just don't tell us, k? Not until exclusivity is brought up at least.

Mr. Mansplain, Himself
Relationship Status: Let me explain to you how relationships work.

Don’t you love a good mansplaining? 
For those who aren’t familiar, mansplaining is when a man clearly knows everything better than you, then proceeds to explain it in a way that implies you know nothing. 
Mr. Mansplain also knows how to do so many things around the house, or car, basically he’s Mr. Fixit.
"Ah you need to get this from Home Depot, Home Depot is a store where they have..." *interrupts* I know what Home Depot is thanks, Ella and I go there every week almost for supplies. I also fixed my lawn mower last month with a new spark plug that it needed, which I bought from Ace Hardware. *Silence*
IT’S MY FAVORITE (sarcasm).
You can have an MBA, you can be well traveled, you can know many facts about anything, but you will NEVER know as much as Mr. Mansplain, because Mr. Mansplain knows everything about everything.
***From a lady's point of view: Explain it to us like you would another guy. We understand things, too.


Ladies- Can you relate? Men, am I way off here? Let me know, I want to hear BOTH sides. 
Stay tuned for the next installment in the series.

Love to all,

-SBR




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