Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Tips for A First Date

Baltimore, MD, USA
Good morning, 
Well here we are-
back for installment 3, folks. 

Oh my. The stories that I received from people on IG after I started this series on the HORRIFIC dates they've been on made me both laugh and cringe. 
That gave me the idea to give some tips about going on a first date.

Truth be told, I despise first dates.
At first, I get excited.
Then when the day arrives, I lose it. 

Why?
What if he isn't good at conversation?
What if he embarrasses me in some way?
(which is even more so a fear now that I've heard some of these stories).
What if he's rude?
What if we have nothing in common?
What if...........

What if it goes so well, and I'm excited, and then I get my heart broken later.
Oh. Hit a nerve there, didn't I?

But as much as I despise it, 
\I actually think that I've come up with some tips that have made me better at 
Le Premier Rendez-Vous.
Maybe if I say it fancy & french-like, I will feel better about it. 

1. Be Yourself 
This means, try (it's hard) to relax. Be you. Don't try to talk differently or act differently because it will for sure come across disingenuous. Also, dress like you. This will be helpful when you are trying to decide how dressy or casual to go. What would you wear for an IG pic at the same place? Oh wait, that might just be my personal thinking (send help). But seriously, don't try to dress like someone that you aren't either.

2. Have a List
Did I get your attention? On my last IG live (there will be more!) I spoke about this ridiculous list that people have for the person they want to meet, but this is different. Having a list of talking points will give you ideas for how to continue the conversation, should it get awkward. Plus it will help it feel like less of a job interview. 
One time I was nervous and kept asking about the guy's job. 
He asked me if I was in HR. I was at the time. Not a good look. 

3. Be Kind 
I'm fluent in sarcasm. A lot of people say this, not just me. In my mind that makes it important enough to make this a point- be kind. Sarcasm is fun once you get to know someone. It's playful and flirtatious and if you feel towards the middle to end of the date that you are super comfortable, then do it. But in the beginning feel the other person out first. Sometimes sarcasm can come across as really mean (think: it's not always a joke if you add "lol"). 
And you certainly don't want to seem that way. 
A little bit of complimenting can go a very long way. 

4. Ask Questions & Listen
There is absolutely NOTHING worse than when you go on a date and listen to them talk about themselves the ENTIRE time. Oh it's the worst. Second only to this, is when you see someone's eyes wondering off into the distance as you are telling them something or answering a question. 
Oh my gosh. Are you even listening? 
Be an active listener, engage, ask questions about the story or answer to your question and look them in the eye. This shows that you care or if you don't care that you are just a kind person 
(see number 3).

5. Be Upfront About Expectations
Last tip and the absolute hardest for me sometimes. Be honest and upfront. If you didn't really feel the date, then nicely let them know either that night or the day after in a kind way. Don't lead someone along and then ghost (this is hardest for us who detest confrontation). Also during the date, make sure you are honest about what you are looking for, are you casually dating? Looking for a relationship? Maybe more? See if you are on the same page. This is so helpful.

I hope you found these helpful and please send me your tips. I'd love to share more on my instagram and have an open conversation about first dates! IG LIVE 8PM tonight on this topic. I'm bringing some guests on who are engaged to talk to us about getting past the first date.
 Bring your wine or beer and get ready.

Happy Wednesday, only two more days.

-SBR





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