Tuesday, January 29, 2019

Diary of a Frustrated Dater

Baltimore, MD, USA
Guys (and I mean this in the literal sense), I am frustrated.

I'm slowly but surely, losing interest in dating altogether, and I know that I'm not the only one.

At the beginning of this year I decided that I was finally going to put my bad dating experiences behind me and give dating a real college try. And by college try, I mean I was going to get myself back on a solid dating app or be more outgoing, and actually GO on dates. I was ready, excited, felt like it was finally my time to get serious. 
{Side note/plug: you may have seen this in the February edition of Balt Mag as well- ha}. 

Then, it all went downhill.

Let's start with me because I'm not saying that it's ALL men's fault:

I've made my fair share of mistakes in dating. I'll be upfront. One of the reasons I've waited so long to date again is to work on myself and make sure I'm ready to be fair to whomever I decide to date.

I've never been great at picking the right guys to date. Every time I break up with someone, I am reminded of this by people close to me, who mean well (and they are right) but I'm just not 100% sure what I'm doing wrong. 

I've given this some thought over the years. I think that I tend to overlook a lot of things when it comes to dating. I tend to look for the best in people...always. I tend to miss red flags. I don't tend to think someone will change, because once I FINALLY see the red flag I'm in warning mode. But I think that I just....miss the flags all together. Sometimes it has to show up blatantly right in my face.  

Recently, I was seeing someone and they (half joking) said that I was "smarter than I looked". I don't know, there just wasn't enough laughing afterwards or anything that would convince me he didn't really mean it in some way.
As someone who has completed a Masters degree (MBA), several certifications, and worked my butt off to own my own company, this was (as you can imagine) highly offensive. He said it because he was losing interest, so instead he started saying things that were not kind (why is this a THING?).
But was it the first time I've heard something like this as a woman? Nope.

This wasn't the first red flag, I realized, only a few hours later as things went south. 
*Warning mode activated *

So here is the deal, I'm 31, I'm ready for a relationship. This is NO secret.

I'm upfront and honest about this from day 1 when talking to people I'm interested in. Do I expect to be in one after a few dates? No. I don't know you after three dates (and apparently not after several either- but I digress). 

Do I expect that if you are seeing me alot/hooking up with me (sorry mom)/making future plans with me/meeting my friends/dating me for a while that you are most likely my boyfriend? 
Yes. As does the rest of the world asking me.

IT IS NORMAL TO WANT A RELATIONSHIP AT ANY TIME, BUT ESPECIALLY IN YOUR 30'S.
*Louder for the ones in the back*

Then it comes up...."I don't know how I feel about titles but for sure I want to keep dating, hooking up, & traveling together". 

Oh. my. lanta. 

What IS THIS? Since when did "title" become a bad word? 

Common excuses are as follows:
I used to believe in titles, but an ex hurt me really bad.
It's hard to explain to my friends. 
What if we break up?
I need x amount of dates/time together before we are "official".
^ pretty sure the last time I heard this was around 8th grade.

Worse things can happen too: needing space, ghosting, rude comments.....

Can we just agree? There is in no circumstance, an acceptable reason for ghosting. It's garbage.

What happened? Why is it so hard to have the natural progression of dating, seeing you how both feel, then moving forward? Why are titles such an issue? Why is commitment so scary? 
Why are guys so into themselves and continually have a "grass is greener" mentality? 

I'm frustrated. I'm having a hard time bouncing back from it this time, guys. 

I'm just...at a loss.

Any advice/remarks/common stories, are very appreciated. 

Ps. Thanks for all of the IG love last night. It was awesome.


Til next time,

SBR

















3 comments

  1. It seems that you are very open with personal stuff, could this be the problem? Us guys need a mystery. Also, not all men are made the same.

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  2. By the way, hi Sarah! How are you?

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  3. Hi Gary, doing well. Hope that you are too. Thanks for reading and for your comment. The reason that I'm open with these things are so other people can relate to them and know they are not alone. Just trying to help a community of others going through the same thing. I totally agree not all men are made the same for sure. Not all women are either. But there are certain issues that are happening over and over by men and not just to me, but to just about every woman I speak with. I know it seems as though I'm very open, but in reality, I only share what I want to share on social media. There are sooo many things that I do not share that no one knows about. Remember- the internet is a highlight of things that people are sharing, not real life.

    Have a great week!

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