Monday, September 17, 2018

The Problem With Modern Dating

Baltimore, MD, USA
Hi everyone, happy Monday!

I'm SO glad that you enjoyed the blog post last week, the commentary was equally hilarious and on point. I loved the messages that I received afterwards and that the post was relatable, because that's my goal!

One message that I received multiple times was "dating has changed" or "why is it like this now?"- that last one was mostly from my newly single friends.

Can I start with another comment disclaimer really quick that's a little off topic but also on topic?
I'm open to dating.
I'm not open to random dating set ups. 
I appreciate the love, and support and that you want to connect me with your friend who is also single, but, generally it leads to a lot of awkwardness and also, it makes me feel really pathetic. I KNOW you don't mean it that way. But this week, I've received a lot of that in messages as well....
I want to eventually date someone, but I'm not trying to force it. The purpose of this series is to be funny, relatable and give us single gals some hope.
Same page? K Cool.

Alright, now that's out of the way, so let's chat about my theory on modern dating.

From the time I was 16-25 (roughly), I was what they call a "serial dater". I ALWAYS had a boyfriend. Obviously I didn't find the guy for me, or I did, but it didn't work out (again, not giving too much detail because some people will know who I am referring to and that's not cool) so I ended up #singlelife, once again.

After that, the end.

Ok not really, there were guys here and there but nothing serious. 
What changed?

Why is there suddenly an influx of dating coaches saying "what women are doing wrong" now (as referenced in my insta stories last week) or "how to get someone to love you!" books?

I am happy to finally answer the "SBR why are you single?" question that drives me CRAZY. 

The culprit?
The internet.
More specifically, online dating.
You could EVEN blame social media.
But I can't nor shan't (as the Morning Toast says) because we all know that I love social media so much, I built a business for it.

The problem is: The "Grass is Greener" Syndrome, in dating.

So many choices. One girl/guy makes you mad? That's ok, there's an app for that.
And with the internet now, we have tons of choices, at our fingertips.
No need to work on problems, with ourself or others.
No need to stick around if you are unhappy (minor-ly unhappy not serious issues).

Remember Average Joe or First Date Ambitious from the first posts?
This is going to be their hardest issue.
First Date Ambitious is "Mr. holds texts convos all day but never asks you out" right? He's planning a few more dates as we speak.
Average Joe probably doesn't have to do much work, he can just text or match people from his couch all day. 

Full disclosure? Women aren't that much better.
We constantly talk about meeting up then don't follow through via dating apps as well.
Why is that?
We like the attention we get....
Then we are too scared of meeting up.
What if he's weird in real life?
What if his photo doesn't match his real looks (ps. guys, girls, don't do this, k thanks)?
What if, what if, what if.
Then "nope, I'd rather go out with the girls".
This starts a cycle of never meeting anyone as well.
Because when we go out with the girls, we are comfortable, and we don't reach out to other guys at the bar, or they are terrified because it's us and 10 girls. 

So what should we do?!
Since I'm single I'm going to say this is what I've learned so far. From readers (this past week) to other motivational speakers, to observation. I'm not married or in a relationship, but I've learned some things from my mistakes.
Helpful tips:
+Work on building authentic relationships.
+Be brave, say hi to more people when you are out (even at the coffee shop).
+Work on vibing with someone slowly.
+Be friends first.
+Don't rush things.
But most importantly.
Don't worry about dating so much that you are taking classes and courses and reading about it constantly, and never working on yourself first.
Because when you find someone, you want to be ready.
At least, that's what I'm told by my mom and various others previously or in successful relationships.

Thoughts? Advice? Tips?

Love you all.

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