Diary of a Frustrated Dater

Guys (and I mean this in the literal sense), I am frustrated.

I'm slowly but surely, losing interest in dating altogether, and I know that I'm not the only one.

At the beginning of this year I decided that I was finally going to put my bad dating experiences behind me and give dating a real college try. And by college try, I mean I was going to get myself back on a solid dating app or be more outgoing, and actually GO on dates. I was ready, excited, felt like it was finally my time to get serious. 

{Side note/plug: you may have seen this in the February edition of Balt Mag as well- ha}. 

Then, it all went downhill.

Let's start with me because I'm not saying that it's ALL men's fault:

I've made my fair share of mistakes in dating. I'll be upfront. One of the reasons I've waited so long to date again is to work on myself and make sure I'm ready to be fair to whomever I decide to date.

I've never been great at picking the right guys to date. Every time I break up with someone, I am reminded of this by people close to me, who mean well (and they are right) but I'm just not 100% sure what I'm doing wrong. 

I've given this some thought over the years. I think that I tend to overlook a lot of things when it comes to dating. I tend to look for the best in people...always. I tend to miss red flags. I don't tend to think someone will change, because once I FINALLY see the red flag I'm in warning mode. But I think that I just....miss the flags all together. Sometimes it has to show up blatantly right in my face.  

Recently, I was seeing someone and they (half joking) said that I was "smarter than I looked". I don't know, there just wasn't enough laughing afterwards or anything that would convince me he didn't really mean it in some way.

As someone who has completed a Masters degree (MBA), several certifications, and worked my butt off to own my own company, this was (as you can imagine) highly offensive. He said it because he was losing interest, so instead he started saying things that were not kind (why is this a THING?).

But was it the first time I've heard something like this as a woman? Nope.

This wasn't the first red flag, I realized, only a few hours later as things went south. 

*Warning mode activated *

So here is the deal, I'm 31, I'm ready for a relationship. This is NO secret.

I'm upfront and honest about this from day 1 when talking to people I'm interested in. Do I expect to be in one after a few dates? No. I don't know you after three dates (and apparently not after several either- but I digress). 

Do I expect that if you are seeing me alot/hooking up with me (sorry mom)/making future plans with me/meeting my friends/dating me for a while that you are most likely my boyfriend? 

Yes. As does the rest of the world asking me.

IT IS NORMAL TO WANT A RELATIONSHIP AT ANY TIME, BUT ESPECIALLY IN YOUR 30'S.

*Louder for the ones in the back*

Then it comes up...."I don't know how I feel about titles but for sure I want to keep dating, hooking up, & traveling together". 

Oh. my. lanta. 

What IS THIS? Since when did "title" become a bad word? 

Common excuses are as follows:

I used to believe in titles, but an ex hurt me really bad.

It's hard to explain to my friends. 

What if we break up?

I need x amount of dates/time together before we are "official".

^ pretty sure the last time I heard this was around 8th grade.

Worse things can happen too: needing space, ghosting, rude comments.....

Can we just agree? There is in no circumstance, an acceptable reason for ghosting. It's garbage.

What happened? Why is it so hard to have the natural progression of dating, seeing you how both feel, then moving forward? Why are titles such an issue? Why is commitment so scary? 

Why are guys so into themselves and continually have a "grass is greener" mentality? 

I'm frustrated. I'm having a hard time bouncing back from it this time, guys. 

I'm just...at a loss.

Any advice/remarks/common stories, are very appreciated. 

Ps. Thanks for all of the IG love last night. It was awesome.

Til next time,

SBR

Take Care Tuesdays: Acupuncture

Take Care Tuesday came just in the knick of time this week!

I've been receiving many questions about acupuncture since I started and I have to be honest, it's not what I expected- it's better. 

I ended up trying acupuncture because I was having panic attacks every single night at 9pm for four nights in a row. 

Weird, I know. Also terrible.

 If you've ever had one you know that you'd be willing to try just about anything to get them to stop. 

I had heard so many awesome things about acupuncture and {as the universe does} a friend (Elise- Caturday Style), had just gone to Mend Acupuncture and had very good things to say. 

No time like the present.

Mend Remington Location

As always before I went, I did my research.

I was very impressed with the credentials of the staff at Mend so I felt good about going.

Also- it is covered by my insurance (Blue Cross), and I only have to pay a deductible.

So far acupuncture has helped with/cured my:

-Panic attacks - never had one after I went

-Headaches

-Sad mood/depression

-Poor energy (as in lethargy but also feelings of toxic energy around me)

- Sleep issues

-Stress levels 

I know what you are thinking.

Those are needles right? Doesn't it hurt?

In short, no. I'm not afraid of needles to begin with, but this is nothing like getting a shot. 

They use pins (needle-like) to hit pressure points that will improve your symptoms and that's it!

There's nothing in them and you really don't feel it at all once they are in, and barely when they put them in, but often not at all.

How long does it take?

Generally 30 minutes to 45 minutes. 

Confession: I usually take a nap for at least half of it.

When I'm not taking a nap, I meditate.

I've never felt so zen afterwards in my life! The feeling of relaxation afterwards is amazing. 

After your first trip they will give you a pamphlet like the below and their recommendations for your personal experience/treatment plan. 

For me, they said to come back more often at first, which I did, and now I go once a week which is perfect for me. If I feel the need to go again, they are very flexible. 

Mend also offers community sessions, which are very affordable as well (especially helpful if your insurance does not cover). 

For convenience, they have 3 locations:

Remington

Lutherville

Quarry Lake

I couldn't recommend acupuncture enough and I am excited to have found something else that helps with both my physical and mental side. 

Just so you know, acupuncture also helps with cold and sickness- something I used it for just today!

Have a great week,

SBR

Healthy 2019

I've had a few questions about why I'm doing healthy 2019 and what I mean by that statement.

If you've been following me for a while, you know that I was diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis approximately three years ago. 

This month, at the end of month is my anniversary.

The doctors THINK that since I've hit the 3 year milestone, that my auto immune disorder should not progress any further. But of course, that's just an educated guess. 

Everything is an educated guess with Myasthenia, because it's so rare.

When I was first diagnosed, I was put on a medication that made me throw up every day for 30 days. The doctors didn't know why. 

It wasn't until I found a book called Cut the Sugar You're Sweet Enough written by Ella Leche, a UK blogger who also has Myasthenia, that I learned what was really going on.

My meds did not interact well with dairy, sugar or fried processed foods.

So for one year, I went off of all of those things + alcohol.

And boy, did I make up for it afterwards. 

Once I was healthy- cheese was back in the game.

So were hot wings.

So was alcohol, which I had not had for a year. 

I partied for a year (I'm better! Celebrate!). 

Then I got myself together, but still ate pretty terribly.

When I had a serious reason for cutting out certain foods, I did it and I was very serious.

I mean like- at a restaurant- is there any trace of butter on these veggies? serious.

 I lost 30 lbs.

I soon became obsessed with the diet.

 I even had nightmares that I had gained my weight back and became sick again.

What?!

Once I was healed, I calmed down.

But then I let the strict diet finally go, and I lost control again.

I have a huge sweet tooth as well, so anything was game.

This past year I didn't feel very healthy. 

It really has nothing to do with weight, but just how I feel in general. 

Achy, tired, depressed, you name it. 

I started to get myself together with a new holistic doctor and acupuncture over the summer, and it was definitely helping, but I could tell that a major problem was how I was eating.

So I decided this year that I'd get healthy, but set some serious boundaries.

With the help of Courtney, my dietician I learned you don't have to be so strict to be healthy.

So this year is about balance, which is also my word of the year. 

Balance with work life and personal life.

Balance with diet.

Balance with exercise.

I'm not giving up any foods, everything will just be in moderation with the goal to be healthy.

Do you have any goals for 2019? I'd love to hear them!

-SBR